Though no more so than when I drove to PA for Adam and Cathy's wedding. Then drove back. So. Hey.
(12:21pm)
Consciousness is currently an act of will. I am hardcore. Raar.
(11:30am)
So, the snack machine is only accepting exact change. I only have $1 and 55
cents, and am thinking I want to get something for 45 cents.
And yet, it only took me like a minute to figure out how to get the correct change. I M so brillyunt.
(10:40am)
I have something in my eye. My left eye, to be exact.
Almost 11.
I have been having some kind of weird thoughts about things this morning. Well, maybe not weird. But still.
And I can't blame it all on being tired. Not without knowing it's not true, anway. Heh.
(10:02am)
GOD, shut UP.
(8:57am)
Also, last night, Dismemberment Plan and Enon and Cex, unexpectedly. Or, at
least, I didn't know to expect Cex. But anyway.
I wasn't exactly blown away by any of it, though I did get the last medium brown t-shirt Enon had. I RULE! Or something. The guy at the merch stand was like, oh, well, we don't have any left, so it's kind of no truth in advertising, here. (The brown t-shirt was stuck up on the wall with duct tape) I was pretty sure the one on the wall was a medium, and he was like, oh, hey, you get the floor model. Heh.
It turned out the merch guy was also the lead singer. Um, oops! I also bought a CD, and had exact change for my purchase. So it's not like I went up and harassed a band member for a lousy t-shirt.
So, anyway, the night was ok. All of the bands were about what I expected, and everything was so loud and indistinct that it all kind of ran together. I'm less and less enchanted with the new Black Cat location every time I go, which, for the record, is now twice. So, yeah.
Part of my near-disappointment with the night had to do with being worried I hadn't gotten enough sleep (which, reflecting now, I probably didn't), and being worried I'd oversleep or something today. Of course, I solved that problem by skipping the sleeping until later today.
But I'm not sure what was so very "eh" about tonight. It was ok. I like Dismemberment Plan a lot. They were playing, as they said, to make up for their 8-point night last night with a 51-point night (to parallel Michael Jordan, and all). I was just thinking, I could be sleeping, or something, and I know there's going to be an encore, and golly, I can't hear anyone I'm even sitting at the same table with, and I've just given up trying to at this point, because it's a hassle, and annoying to be like grandma who forgot her ear trumpet thing.
Anyway, I got to work all early. I'm tired, Kenny. Going places I can't hear anyone and can't have a conversation is really frustrating. I'm going to blame the dissatisfaction of this moment on my weariness. Because even though I kind of thought Rainer Maria were kind of snotty, I enjoyed going to the Ottobar (the NEW Ottobar) a couple of Wednesdays ago. Anyway.
I have off tomorrow!
(8:20am)
I need a haircut. What I'm thinking is: dye it blue, then go to haircuttery
or something like that after a week or so, when the blue's faded or fading,
and have them do something about it.
Alternately, I'm thinking of waiting a month or two, so that the new, never-bleached hair would actually be long enough to go to someone and say, "Please cut off all the really damaged hair", and have some hair left.
(7:56am)
In a way I'd like to just go "blah blah blah" and blah blah about my life,
but, well, not as such. Blah blah blah in the sense of not saying anything
specific, of course.
I've been thinking about that very thing, and what I've come up with so far is: I've been too busy. TOO BUSY! To be my normal, secretive, other-adjective normal way.
Or maybe this is another way of saying the time that used to be taken up with something has been taken up with something else. And with driving, too.
(7:51am)
The word I was looking for below was "toppled".
Hee, toppled.
(2:29pm)
This song rips off the Rolling Stones, but I still like it.
See what looking pretty cool will get you!
It's really weird how one can cruise along, and have things reconciled and straight and ok in one's head, and then a detail can slay me.
I mean, "one".
"Slay" is actually too dramatic a word, but I really like it.
I'm looking forward to Enon and Dismemberment Plan tonight. Enon a little mroe, because I haven't seen them before, and I really like the three or so songs I've heard by them.
(2:22pm)
Dammit, I think I'm going to have to listen to some old stuff I haven't
listened to in a while.
Also, it's gotten really cold in the last 2-3 days or so.
(2:07pm)
One: if you didn't believe I like really bad movies, I offer for your
consideration the last three movies I've seen:
Hee. My daimie.
Also, I think I need to get the soundtrack for Not Another Teen Movie. It's all covers, and there's a cover of "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want". Sadly, there's also the Orgy cover of "Blue Monday". Basically, I need to get cracking again on figuring out how to scratch CDs so that certain songs never ever get played.
Actually, I don't think I like any of the bands doing the covers, but from what I could tell during the movie, they're all faithful covers. So. Well. I mean. I guess that's still no excuse. Heh. Sigh.
Also, it's always good to hear someone else can't stand certain songs. In this specific case, that fucking Modern English song. Ugh. I know I taped it off the radio, back in the day when I could fill up actual tapes with songs I liked from the radio (!!), but I regretted taping it every time I had to fast forward through the damn thing.
Make a left, a sharp left, and another left.
I need to go shopping for tomorrow, and take a nap. Pretty exciting.
I mean, not as cold as it is out there, but still.
I remember the first few times I went out in DC; December a few years ago. For some reason, we were too cool to wear our coats from the car to the club, which, admittedly, was only a few blocks. But, damn, what was I thinking? Now, I always wear a coat, and don't really give a shit about having to lug it around. On the other hand, I go out now to see shows, not get drunk and dance. Heh.
Or, as the case may be, "dance".
Amazingly enough, I accomplished pretty much everything I wanted to this morning, plus going to Korean Korner with Trey, and getting a sandwich from Raulin's. Oh, baby, how I missed you. Roast beef on mulitgrain with lettuce, tomato, onions, sprouts, mayonnaise, and mustard. Done, and done.
(6:50am)
What are you doing?
The four words I most often say to the cats.
(6:45am)
I'm kind of guessing at the time, since this clock is not set to the right
time. And the date in fact says '56. But oh well.
To elaborate on the getting rid of stuff thing, I'm getting to the point where I feel like I can allow myself to have my CDs back in my room. I have 3 boxes/bags full of stuff for Goodwill, and I even rearranged the shelves in my closet. I organized my sweaters. I mean, come on, people. ORGANIZED MY SWEATERS. There is clearly something wrong with me.
I also put together a few boxes of things to mail to my folks and to Ann Marie. I also might have a lead on selling the spoils of my adolescence locally, rather than via eBay, which would mean I wouldn't have to box shit up. Which would make me happy, if I get reasonable amounts.
All of this is fascinating, I know.
Uh, yeah.
(6:30am)
Operation Getting Rid of Junk is progressing nicely.
(1:35pm)
I keep having awful songs go through my head. First, it was "The Greatest
Love of All". While I was eating lunch, "Blasphemous Rumors".
SHOOT ME, BILLY!
(12:58pm)
My back hurts. Weh.
(10:06am)
I hate doing my own review.
(9:38am)
I just reread the list of things I have planned for the next few days and
I'd forgotten I have off next Monday! Dude! Sweet! What does mine say!?
(9:01am)
I went to sleep at like 9 last night; woke up briefly at midnight, and went
the hell back to sleep. It was, as we say, super sweet.
Finally got up around quarter of 5; checked my mail (yeah, I'm lame), and had a bagel. Went down to the kitchen and drank some soda right from the 2 liter bottle. Anil was making cranberry sauce, and I ate the last of the cauliflower out of the shepherd's pie type leftovers Judy gave me.
Went outside, remembering the CDs I wanted to remember. It was colder than ass, but no frost on my car. Woohoo! I stopped at one gas station to get a little gas (since I am going to fill up in Manassas, where the cheap gas lives), but they didn't want to accept my ATM card. So I ended up going to the Shell on 193.
Flying towards work on 66, I passed a cop 2 lanes over. He flashed his roof lights, and I got the message. 55 mph seems incredibly slow, after going... faster than that.
Got to work and I have plans for tonight and I'm very happy and seven hours to go.
Also, I am totally whittling down the huge piles of old email I meant to delete, but didn't before I accidentally hit "yes" to "move read mail to received folder", which happens from time to time, and is essentially the only way mail gets moved.
I bet that makes no sense. Maybe I will fix that. Later.
(12:02pm)
What I would like to be doing now involves being horizontal. And possibly
unconscious. Though, just horizontal would be acceptable.
Not that I would be horizontal for long before also being unconscious.
(11:49am)
The sound you are not hearing is my head hitting the keyboard.
(9:51am)
Put me in the hospital for nerves, and then they had to commit me/You told
them all I was crazy/They cut off my legs, now I'm an amputee, Goddamn you
I was also thinking of a line from "Pictures of Lilly", but I am pretty sure I've used it before.
I am pretty sure I've done the Harvey Danger song before, too, but, well, still.
(9:42am)
I want to dress up and go somewhere nice for dinner.
I want to make dinner and stuff, and not have to go to work the next
morning.
I want to take a nap.
I want to read the books I brought today, but think I'd feel a little
guilty, even though there's really not much going on.
I really want to take a nap.
I want a bagel.
I would like to take a shower.
I would like to know if all the stuff I ordered for people has arrived
yet.
I would like to ask some questions, but not right now.
I would like to have a soda. Which I am going to get.
GOD I'm boring today.
(8:31am)
Where has my crypticness gone? Dammit.
I could be using it right now. But nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Dammit.
I don't know if this means I need more or less sleep.
(8:08am)
Not really done gathering up the stuff that's going to Goodwill. Only one
bag so far. And a bunch of t-shirts to send to my dad.
Soon, pictures of stuff to sell on Ebay.
Judy got a vast haul of stuff for me. It's like Christmas!
...wait.
Ok, I think the tv here will have to stay on mute. Earlier, the horror that is "Feliz Navidad" went on and on, and it is now stuck in my head, displacing The Who.
Almost down to 7 hours.
(1:29pm)
Sometimes, concern comes out as irritation.
Ok, if by "sometimes" you mean "almost always".
Yeah, I'd make a great parent.
It's true.
(10:42am)
Also, I'm trying to remember what crazy person it was that I was talking to
who didn't like garlic. Or, at least, who thought that 40-clove of garlic
chicken sounded like a bad idea. With the whole garlic cloves you can put
on the bread!
Mmm. It's been too long since I last made that.
(10:00am)
Also, I think I'll be doing the every-few-monthly winnowing of stuff I
don't wear or use much any more for donation to Goodwill.
This time, there will be no mercy! Or, well. The chairs I have are safe, but clothing that barely made the cut last time is o-u-t out.
(9;12am)
This week:
(6:33am)
I don't, technically, have any Christmas shopping to do. I have a few
people I will get stuff for, but who I won't see until after Christmas, so
it's not something I have to do in the next 2 days.
On the other hand, there are one or three people I want to get some more stuff for. So I think I might go shopping this afternoon after work.
Oh, such a bad idea.
On the other hand? Staying up all night Friday, then sleeping all day Saturday, then staying up all night Saturday, and coming to work? Such a good idea.
Really.
Gr.
It's not my thing.
I was about to say I'm in a weird mood, but that would be wrong. It's a a familiar mood. Heh. Stupid quantification.
(10:22pm)
It's true. I like lima beans. And cauliflower. And COOKED broccoli. And
asparagus. And, um, I'm sure other stuff.
Right, brussels sprouts. I like them! What can I say.
This, due to cauliflower in tonight's dinner.
That said, I do not like liver, from any animal. Oh, how I am shuddering.
And I'm tired of every sandwich coming with cheese, whether you want it or not.
I like mayonnaise and mustard, or mayonnaise and ketchup, mixed, in both case, depending on the sandwich (burger is mayonnaise and ketchup, while, say, a turkey sandwich is mayonnaise and mustard).
Really, no point at all.
(5:40pm)
But more: Biomusicology.
(5:22pm)
Take it or Leave it.
(10:04am)
Also, I've gotten back into eBay. Or something. I'm not going to
pay $40 for this one CD set (er...probably not, anyway), but I found some
stuff which seemed like a good idea to get for Christmas.
Oh, yeah. I did some Christmas shopping last night, since, well, I spent all day yesterday sleeping. You will note that I got up and started moving around at 7pm last night. Which makes for an almost total inversion of my day/night. Being up all night? No problem.
Actually, I think that when I go home, I will take a nap (before going out to see a show at the Black Cat, woo, and NOT, by the way, drinking at the Black Cat), and everything will be groovy again with my schedule. What with the long days and all.
I have to finish Christmas shopping, and ship stuff out. Also, I need to change the oil in my car.
Greg called the other day and whee! we scheduled the birthday party thing for February. I've also (very prematurely) started telling people about the third annual Anil and Steph's Joint Birthday Party. It's going to be on February 16th, if you're wondering.
Note to self: if still on Sun-Wed schedule, be sure to get off that Sunday.
Hee.
(9:59am)
On the other hand, I have this weird sense of deja vu (er, ecoute, or
something) when I listen to the Ted Leo and the Pharmacists album.
I was rolling around restless yesterday morning, trying to get back to sleep, sweet, sweet sleep, where I didn't want to throw up. I had this bit of a song running through my head, and it was weird, because I had it formatted into a little stanza-looking thing, even though I am not sure I knew the words. The part of the song going through my head just seemed...rectangular. I don't usually think of songs that way. It was kind of cool, except I couldn't place what song it was then, and have since forgotten the tune and any words I'd been thinking.
Anyway, so, yeah, it was really weird. I got hit by a delayed alcohol reaction Friday night, and I'm obsessing about it because I'm fairly upset about it.
I'll get over it, though.
(4:42am)
I'm deeply troubled by the time I am missing from Friday night. DAMMIT.
Also, bagel. I'm now onto Lender's, because a crappy bagel is in fact made somewhat better by freezing. Weird, but true. (Also, by thawing it out in a plastic bag. I'm thinking so, anyway, since I'm thinking it's a moisture thing. Anyway.)
(5:52pm)
If the cats keep on with this fighting, I am going to round them, hang them
up by their feet, and let them duke it out upside down.
Ok, not really in the slightest, but I'm really getting irritated, because I have no idea why they suddenly all hate each other, with the growling and the big tails.
It's actually Ratty and Runty hating Kitty, which, I mean, I can't totally blame them for, seeing as how she's not nice to them. Sigh.
Kitty: teenage mom, general troublemaker.
(1:49am)
I went to my company's Christmas party and found out my ring size. Who
knew?
I'm a size 7, by the way.
Also. Holy. Fucking. Shit. THAT was a party.
My big plans for tonight are to go to Target (to look for a certain thing for Ann Marie), order Christmas gifts, and, uh, enjoy not having to go to work tomorrow. I've had to work more than 4 days in a row twice in the last month or so. Dang, yo.
(8:41pm)
Well, frankly, the class I just went to the last two days was a waste of my
time. This does not make me as livid as it probably should. On the other
hand, I went to class late today, and also learned some stuff that was kind
of interesting, and, hey, looked fairly smart, because, well, I've been
working with the thing the class was an introduction to on a pretty much
daily
basis since at least 1994. So. I kind of have picked some things up.
But it was ok, because I got to help someone else in the class and I was like, woo. Or something. This is not to say I had a revelation about wanting to teach. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
People, people, people.
Also, don't you immediately die of a blocked artery if you put Nutella on a croissant?
Just checking.
I mean, unless you've been a castaway for 10 years, eating only leaves and sand.
Wait. Nevermind. I bet the immediate death still stands.
(Yeah, I eat poutine. SHUT UP.)
(5:35pm)
Goddammit, I hate Netscape. It keeps dying on my computer.
You surely aren't suggesting my computer is too old. I know you're not.
Anyway, today was nice, busy, and the day flew by. I still have done no Christmas shopping. Mostly because I plan on doing a lot of it online. And, well, see above.
Uh, I thought there was something else. Argh.
Oh, right. The cats have started fighting for no good reason. Like, a lot. Like, Kitty's tail has been huge consistantly the last 2 days or so. Sigh.
And I mean the one that tells me what the hell day it is. I was convinced, as always (for the last few months) that yesterday was Tuesday.
Anyway. I don't have much to say, except there's a vast difference in the amount of traffic I hit when I leave at 3:55, and when I leave at 4:07.
Gr.
Ok, that may make sense to me. Only me.
And, dude, I'm not even the one who saw her.
Also, I'm not going to say the also I'm afraid of, because it will either seem stupid or creepy later.
Sigh.
Amos Moses could kill an alligata -- and only use one hand.
That's all he got left! Since the alligatah bit him!
There was a preview for a rerelease of E.T. before the movie Thursday. Wow. I remember seeing that at the one movie theater near where my dad used to work, when it came out. Wow. I can't even remember the name of the place my dad used to work. But I really remember how the theater looked, and that we went to see (shame) Mannequin for one of my friend's birthday's there. Well. I mean. I was invited, I guess I was enough of a friend to be one of the like 6 people her folks paid for a movie ticket. I mean. I hated grade school. Yeah.
(12:05pm)
Also, went and saw Monsters, Inc again on Thanksgiving, and I think
I liked it at least as much, if not more, the second time.
(11:57am)
I keep having these weird dreams. In one of them, I was in the London
Underground (which, of course, I've never been) -- that was from my alarm
clock going off. In another, I was unable to wear contact lenses any more,
because I'd damaged my eyes from wearing ... contact lenses too long. Or
something. It was weird, man.
But in any case, I've been mostly achieving my goal for this weekend (which is only normal length for me, instead of 4 days, I realized last night -- weh), that goal being maximum sleep. Go, me.
Weh.
(10:43pm)
Ok, nodule, I don't like you, and you don't like me. But let's just get
through this weekend. And God help you if you screw up my plans.
Anyway.
I think it has something to do with public attention, but I might just be fooling myself. There's certainly an element of "people must be looking at me", hot-faced self-consciousness. Hm.
(12:38am)
Argh. Goddammit. Here it is again, almost 1, and here I am, again, not
having gone to sleep. This is bad. I keep doing it. I'm going to crash and
it's not going to be pretty. Maybe since I am mostly planning on sitting
around doing nothing by myself this weekend I can catch up.
Because for as much as I can get by on not much sleep, I've been so, so pushing it since, like, September. I mean, damn. This is not a tendancy I should give in to, it's not something I should rely on, it's not a power to be trifled with. Or something.
Halfway through the week. Looking even more forward to Wednesday than usual. Whee!
I always knew I liked Terror Twilight, but, like, never suspected i'd like it that way. But there you are.
20 hours.
Doh.
Anyway, there was like minimal traffic on the way home, which I take to mean everyone else in the world decided to just take today through Wednesday off. To which I say, fuckin a, man.
(3:32am)
Argh, I forgot my Built to Spill. Oh well.
Right now, I'm so tired I have half convinced myself that I put an empty container of cream cheese back in the fridge.
(2:55am)
I. Love. 24-hour. Giants.
Just did the shopping for Sunday, and dropped it off at Judy's. If I'd gone to Giant right after I talked to her on the phone, I could've picked up beer and wine (which was on the list...well, the wine was, anyway). She was right.
Anyway. There's this story without a point, or maybe a fable without a moral. There's this set of yellow flashing lights that was just (as in, within the last 2 weeks) installed across 650 a few streets before the one I live on. Only one of the flashing yellows works.
I feel a kinship to that pair of lights.
Now, whether it's because I feel broken at doing something right now, or because I should also be out right now (as in, fast asleep), that I am not sure of.
I wonder if Law and Order is on now.
I jammed the end of a staple under one of my fingernails by accident today. Ow.
The American Iron Chef sucks my ass. Sideways. Dammit.
I got a rad jacket at Laurel Thrift yesterday. I had to buy it for several reasons, not the least of which being I found $2 in the pocket.
Kitty will not be deterred from sitting in my lap while I type.
I just cleaned up dried cat puke in the basement.
What I said about Badly Drawn Boy a few months back? I take it back. I was wrong. Well. Maybe not wrong, exactly, but I borrowed Anil's car the other day, and was listening to one of the cds he had in there, and I was like, wow, I like this song. And there it was, Badly Drawn Boy. Oh well.
I listened to Big Country on the way to work the same day. Hee!
I am not at liberty to discuss.
(11:12pm)
Damn, Butterfingers are always broken when you open the package.
Don't ask me why I thought buying fun size Butterfingers was a good idea.
No, of course that's not very profound. But it's the thought I choose to share with you now. While I'm actually busy with other thoughts. ENJOY.
I just noticed a cat in a picture my mom sewed about 20 years ago, and which hung in our bathroom for the first 16 or 17 years of my life. Huh.
Anyway. Inarticulable.
Anyway. Pretty lame spam. It wasn't even in Spanish or anything.
Somebody must be kidding me.
(4:35pm)
I woke up this morning, and was immediately horrified, because it was light
out. Which meant I'd missed meeting up with someone in the middle of the
night (non-nefariously, even) on the way to work. Also, I was late for
work.
Oops.
Made a big hunk of pork last night. And asparagus. And mashed potatoes. Too bad they weren't all done at the same time. Heh.
Then, it would've been like dinner!
(3:06am)
After a nifty birthday party (going from mean to ferocious!), I am tired.
On the other hand, I am so, so not tired after not getting probably enough sleep in the last 24-36 hours. I had more important things to do, you see.
Much, much more important.
(10:24pm)
At some point probably around 12 hours ago, I closed my eyes, and when I
opened them, it was four in the afternoon.
It was in-fucking-credible. Oh, baby.
My shoulders hurt. That's ok.
I tried calling my mom's cell phone (since she's in town this weekend), but I keep getting a "this member not available blah blah" message. Sigh.
After being up for almost 24 hours, I slept for, um, about 6 and a half. And woke up feeling pretty good. I'm not sure what that means.
I went to the bank to get money orders for rent, so I wouldn't have to worry about balancing my checkbook, essentially. I kept not understanding what the teller was saying, and having to ask her to repeat herself. It was embarassing, and it was mostly because I wasn't really paying attention to her, which isn't very nice. But, there it is.
Um. It could be bunnies.
This reads as if I'm in a bad mood, but, oddly, I'm not. Heh.
Also, I got a big old hunk of pork to make for dinner tomorrow, along with asparagus and potatoes and bread. MM.
And so that's why I didn't pick him up at Dulles today.
When he came home.
ARGH.
Anyway, 10 hours to go, and I have some stuff i have to do before Thursday, and I am all looking forward to Thursday for more than just having a day off after working since last Wednesday.
Also, Wednesday is good because I have plans to go see what I'm guessing will be a really bad movie, with someone I bet I can talk into getting Indian food, for which I've had this real fire recently.
"Talk into" meaning "agree with and order lots of naan".
Now, forever, and always, mmmm, naan.
Also, I think I've once again revised my ideas about hair. Though I will never have a head of hair as nice as Trey's (oh, golly), I am thinking (again) I want long hair.
I just wish the 5 inches or so of hair I have weren't so damaged. Sigh.
Or. At least. The parts that aren't new since July of this year.
Rahr!
(5:35pm)
I get home today. Here is what happens:
Anil: (points to pizza on table)
me: oh, it's got stuff.
Anil: it's got all the stuff you need, and none of the stuff you don't!
Hee.
But, yeah, the GW Parkway was all autumn-y splendor and junk.
Also, went shooting with Todd and some folks Friday. Fired Todd's Desert Eagle. While it didn't actually factually knock me off balance, it did push me back on my heels. It was pretty cool.
And finally picked up a .22 rifle. *Plink*!
(11:13am)
I am dedicated to high QOS.
But the S does not stand for "service".
Or...DOES it?
(8:24am)
I said I'm tiiiired, Kenneh.
I caught myself about 50 times yesterday thinking that it was Friday instead of Thursday.
I am also wildly hungry, but that is but a guttering match to the blazing inferno that is my tiredness. Or something.
with your hand on my shoulders, a meaningless movement: a moviescript
ending,
and the patrons are leaving, leaving.
now we all know the words were true in the sappiest songs (yes, yes).
i'll put them to bed, but they won't sleep, they're just shuffling the
sheets, they toss and turn, (you can't begin to get it back).
Anyway. I'll be missing them tonight at the Ottobar and tomorrow at the Black Cat. Sigh.
Um. What else. Went and got Indian food last night, with almost enough naan (heh). Went and rented some movies. A lot of movies. The counter people at Hollywood video couldn't find one of the DVDs I wanted to get, and I knew exactly why, but didn't care enough to tell them why they couldn't find it. Fuck 'em. Not that me not seeing Smilla's Sense of Snow or not renting a DVD has any effect on them, or telling them that even though the box says only Sense of Snow, the DVD would probably be under "Sm" rather than "Se" would matter or be something either of them would remember. Not any of that. But that I'd've had to tell them something that you'd think they'd care to know, working in a movie store and all. It felt kind of petty, keeping information to myself, but I was also really kind of irritated, because it's not like this was a Bulgarian special release or anything. Major American Motion Picture, people. But it worked out for the best, because the cost to rent all the DVDs I got was $19.90, so there was minimal change and I had a $20 and it all worked out very neatly.
Anyway. I got Boogie Nights, which I had neglected to see until now. I watched it last night. Uh. What else. Pleasantville, which I'd always meant to see, and which has William H. Macy, which I hadn't realized, and Reese Witherspoon, against whom I have decided I should stop holding Fear (whoa, Marky Mark was in Fear, and William H. Macy was in Boogie Nights...and Tobey McGuire and Joan Allen were both in The Ice Storm...anyway).
Before Night Falls, which I fell asleep to this morning, and will have to watch again. Pitch Black, which I hear is just awful, and I can't wait to watch. Finally, Requiem for a Dream, which I hear is grim.
So, anyway.
But, hee!
(3:15pm)
What a weird, good day.
I am having trouble typing, still. Heh.
Also, Boston Market has the lamest excuse for gravy I've run into in a long time.
Or IS there?
Hee.
(11:57am)
I was thinking about words I don't like. Ready?
Hm. That might be the only word. Baby talk bugs me, which makes me a big hypocrite, since I use the word "blankie", but it is kind of a title for one specific blanket. The phrase "all about" something or another is annoying, but it's mostly because everyone uses it. It cracked me up the first time Ann Marie used it. "Making love" in lieu of "having sex" has always bothered me, as well. Except in the Air Supply song, because, well, I mean, it's Air Supply, yo. They're supposed to be treacly. It's their raison d'etre. Raison de sirop, even.
(9:51am)
Also, I joined AAA and had Trey's cell phone on me for the trip. So, of
couse, everything went swimmingly with the car. Well, I mean, no swimming,
really, but swimmingly.
(9:24am)
Un. Believiable.
I just woke up. I went to be at either 8 or 9:30 last night (about 3 clocks in the house are reading the right time, but I'm not sure which are. Heh).
12 hours!
Of course, this is after who knows how many 24-hour periods of getting 4 hours' sleep (I say 24 hour periods, because it's hard to group things into "days" in the traditional sense. I'm not sure why, but it might have to do with working while the date changes, all overnighty and all).
Also, it comes after one of the longest damn Saturdays of my life. Not long in the bad way. But check it: I went to work Saturday night, and ended up leaving early. So I could drive to Uniontown for Adam and Cathy's wedding. Which was at 9:30 Sunday morning. And this weekend was the "fall back" weekend. By the time I got home Sunday night, the hour was negligiable, but still.
Anyway, I sucked because I hadn't RSVPd for the wedding, despite several calls from Adam (I suck!), I was pretty determined to make it. Then, Wednesday night, my car broke, and I was afraid I wouldn't. Then, of course, my car, uh, healed itself. Which is kind of scary. But anyway.
So, basically, I did a lot of driving. It's actually a really pretty drive, but not so much at night. Sunday was kind of nice, because the sun was going down just as I was getting out of the area that is pretty, and getting into, like, Rockville. I got cheap gas in Frostberg.
It was actually the longest drive I've done by myself. I kept feeling really weird as I was driving up (like, my hands were tingling and my face, and it was all just weird, but probably because I was breathing shallowly without realizing it or something), so I convinced myself that my car was actually leaking carbon monoxide into the passenger area, and drove with both windows halfway down. "Thinking clearly" is not what was going on here. But it worked, probably because I concentrated on something other than taking long, deep breaths or something.
The ceremony thing was very nice, and went pretty smoothly, and yay! I was very glad I'd made it.
Astute observers will notice I didn't say "I got there and took a nap". Because I didn't. I got there (after several tries to find the hotel, including stopping at the wrong hotel, which, in my defence, DID have Judy's car parked in the parking lot) and laid down, but didn't do more than doze. I got about an hour's worth of sleep between the ceremony and the reception.
But! still worth it.
The drive home, although after another 12 hours of not sleeping, was better, because it was during the day. Which is weird, because I usually like driving at night. Also, I should get my odometer fixed, so I can tell how far I've gone. Though I've gotten really good at estimating when I need to get gas.
I listened to "There is Nothing Left to Lose" at least twice on the way home. It went really well with the autumn tree/mountain thing.
So, yeah. Long week. Long, long week. But good.
Also, uh, yeah. Holy shit.
As I get out of the car to look under the hood, a tow truck pulls up behind me. Jiminy Christmas! He was actually on his way to another job, but he called to see if another of his company's trucks could come for my car. They couldn't. So he called another local towing company! What a nice guy. He hung out with me until the other tow truck came.
The other tow truck guy was also nice. He took me to Silver Spring. Well, and my car, too.
Both of them asked me what I did, and I said I worked for AOL. Both of them said they also almost worked for AOL. Hee! Huge, I tell you.
Anyway, I borrowed Anil's car, and got to work a mere 2 hours late.
Saw Mulholland Drive tonight, as well. David Lynch is either a teriffic storyteller, or just brilliant at figuring out how little telling he can get away with and still be compelling. Either way, he still creeps me out every time.
Uh. What else. The PC of Trey's I usually use has been dying and refusing to work for several days. It's annoying, and keeps happening when I have important geek things to be doing (in this case, uh, reading web pages and talking to people), so I hauled down the old Performa and have been using it.
Also, I had a dream about being on the farm in Canada.
Ann Marie and I went to Target yesterday. I got a shirt that wasn't on sale, and was $20 ($20!!), but could not not get. I touched it, and all question left my mind. Also, there is this poster. Oh. This poster. I cannot do it justice. It's framed, and even though the glass is cracked across one corner, I still bought it. I had to. Look at his eyes! Hee.
After I dropped Ann Marie off at the metro, I went to Fresh Fields, which is right nearby. Usually I only go to the one in Clarendon, and usually, it's only to buy beer or something for dinner before going to the Galaxy Hut, and, ok, bagels. But last week when I was at the one in Clarendon, there was this soy sauce dish type thing with a very pleased and smug-looking blowfish painted on it. But there was only one. Doh! So, since there were at least three people I thought might appreciate this, I needed more than one. So, that's why I went. But the FF in SS doesn't have the little tchotckes that the one in Clarendon does. Sigh. Though, I did find ginger ice cream. And chocolate-covered ginger. And cherry-ginger ale.
I could see where I guess I bought weird stuff. Oh well. I guess I have to go back to Clarendon, because there are other neat little plate things that would be pretty useful as little present-y things.
ANYWAY.
My project for this week is to go through my clothes and take a bunch to laurel thrift or something. Actually, maybe that's just my project for today. Also, to mail stuff to my folks. Stuff which is ridiculously late in coming. Er, going. To them. But, uh, yeah.
(2:13pm)
My able body isn't what it used to be.
So, in the end, I only had to go like a mile, and it was a way with no stop lights, and, really, I did it all in third. Getting through the gate at work was less annoying than you might think. So, really, my car still rules. It's so thoughtful!
Yes. I know. But still. What I'm saying here is, of all the ways this could've happened, this is so not bad.
So, I got a ride home (yay!) and got the car towed and have to wait for tomorrow to have the place call me and tell me when they think they'll have it done. And the stuff I was meaning to get done to it before the trip in a few weeks will get done, and I don't even have to realize at the last second I have to get it done.
Because, I mean, it would be very embarassing to have ANOTHER car break down on the PA turnpike, and the other trip I'm thinking of, I don't even want to think about anything breaking on. Ngah.
Anyway. It's my Friday! Wheee!
(8:50am)
I'm not sure I can say that I hate it when you come back to a song you
haven't listened to in a few weeks (kind of consciously, because you were
listening to it all the time, or at least, listening to that band all the
time, and assumed you were just in some kind of weird thrall) and think,
dammit, all that time I could've been listening to this song.
Yeah, it's "The City" again.
I wonder why I like what seems to be breakup music so much.
I sort of came up with a theory last night, but it's not it.
(7:37am)
Ok, I'm officially irritated at something I'm not going to specify, but
mostly only because it messes up plans I've made for next Friday. Only sort
of, because I can rearrange things to suit what I want to do. But still.
Kind of annoying.
On the other hand, I was thinking about words I like on the way home. Gripe. Fructify. Rectify. Tenacity. Spook.
I also like "cellular", but not the phones. The idea of things working in cells. Anyway.
(6:47pm)
I remembered on the way home from getting soda that I had this weird dream
where I apologized for punching someone repeatedly in the chest.
I mean, it was an accident, but still.
(12:10pm)
I never saw you up there
'Cause you never made a sound
If I knew what you were up to
I would've shot you down
Hey, would you say I'm on the rebound?
Watch me fall
At the speed of sound
Your trigger finger's cocked
And I'm feeling weak
Open wide
I'm paralyzed
You were working on the inside
Disconnecting the alarm
I was mixing up the signals
Trying to turn me on
Hey would you say I'm on the rebound?
Watch me fall
At the speed of sound
Your trigger finger's cocked
And I'm feeling weak
Open wide
I'm paralyzed
Over the hill, the frequency's breaking down
Don't want to guess, but I think it's time we turn around
I'm soft, but i'll be all right
Hey, would you say I'm on the rebound?
Watch me fall
At the speed of sound
Your trigger finger's cocked
And I'm feeling weak
Open wide
I'm paralyzed
We're getting high, but we're still feeling down
Gravity has a way of pinning us to the ground
I'm soft, but I'll be all right
-Beulah, "Gravity's Bringing Us Down"
It's ou/ow mania! Assonance is where it's at in the '90's.
Oh. Dang.
(1:07am)
In case you're wondering:
So. Anyway.
I am kind of glad I didn't watch it until now, because the big tension sequences involve a plane crash, which would've gotten to me in any case, but, uh, yeah.
But the thing that got me was the moment of clarity during the crash; and more than that, the calmness and kindness. That's all I could hope for, really.
(1:22am)
Wow, I just realized that most of the CDs I bought today are pairs of CDs
by the same artists. Freaky!
Yet, good.
(12:20pm)
I was thinking about watching a movie, but that was only to distract
myself. Which is why they're called distractions.
Not that there's really all that much I need distraction from. Maybe that is what I need distraction from!
Dear God. Metadistraction. I should be shot in the face.
Also, I would like to know how I keep certain things jammed into my head, but other things just fall right out. Huh.
I've been worth a ton
And I've been worth "I don't need you now"
The words you write
Make my heart raise and stop and just quit
-Beulah, "If We Can Land A Man On The Moon, Then Surely I Can Win Your
Heart"
One of the longest and best song titles ever.
Just put away your ladder, I'm happy where I am.
(10:48am)
I also keep getting spam with the subject"BETTER SEX AND MORE OF IT" and
all I can think of is the title of a Quasi song. Who, incidentally, I
missed seeing in concert last night. It's from Featuring "Birds".
That's the only hint I'm giving y'all on that.
(10:32am)
Oh, so I totally missed the Beulah show Thursday, as I was too busy
oversleeping. Argh. Oh well. This will not be the case on November 1! I am
telling you now. Also, I will have to take off work if I'm still working
overnights then.
But it will be worth it. Woo! Or, at least, I hope it will.
Even if the show sucks, I'll still get CDs and a t-shirt. Uh. Yeah.
Anyway. I'm currently listening to a song that has the line "I stay up late on IRC" and it means what you think it means. I'm so, so disturbed. This band, so geeky. And still! I like them. Because I have the password to your shell account.
I will mention now that I really wish my hair were not so damaged. It pains me to look at it. How lame is that?
I have kind of more to say, but not really. Tonight: my triumphant return to the Galaxy Hut. Or, at least, my return to the Galaxy Hut, because TV John is playing, and because I haven't been there since, like, the beginning of August. Golly. So. I mean. It's not actually triumphant. Not that I was ever triumphant at the Galaxy Hut. But I will be there. And the Galaxy Hut will be there. Huh huh, huhhuhuhuh.
Astute observers will do the math, and realize 10 + 2 (travel time) + 8 alone is 20 hours, leaving 4 hours for sleep.
Which is bad when you can't get to sleep.
But, so, anyway, every three days or so, I end up crashing and getting Big Sleep, which is like 6 or 7 hours. Wheeee!
I had this weird dream that I lived with a bunch of girls (well, not girls, but the opposition to the bunch of guys I live with). Then, I had this dream that was like a commercial. Like those commercials (the jingle of which I now have stuck in my head) for cotton-fiber clothing, except it was for leather. This guy was in line for something at a courthouse, and was trying to send his kids home to get a leather belt for him, since his shorts were too big, and all he had was one of those crummy braided leather belts that was stretched out. He took it out of the belt loops to look at it when one of his kids pointed out he was already wearing a belt, and his shorts fell down.
Look, I don't know, man.
The look, the feeeeeeeeeeeeel, of cotton!
Except now, of course, my mind's subbing in "leather" for "cotton", and I wish it would stop.
(6pm)
Ooh. I just made a Reuben-like sammitch, except not fried. Which is better,
I think.
The only thing is, it's probably more expensive to buy all the stuff to make the sandwich than it is to just buy a sandwich. Hrm.
Wait. Of course it is, because then you have enough to make several sandwiches, but I mean, per sandwich, I bet it's still more expensive.
This is just another example of food my mom would probably pass out if she saw how much I eat it, because it used to be a struggle of first magnitude to get me to eat sauerkraut. I think the problem there is that I hadn't killed off too many of my tasted buds yet. Anyway.
(8:52pm)
To be added to the list of songs I'd like to cover were I ever in a band:
the entirety of Pavement's Terror Twilight.
Though, not in the bad, seconds to hours way. More than 24 hours kind of longer. Which is kind of inconvenient.
On the other hand, I actually bothered to make french toast and sausage this morning. Go cholesterol!
And my resulting thought: I'm not sure.
Huh.
I mean, I have an idea, but it's wayyyy too long to go into here.
Basically, I'm just trying to put off going to sleep, you see.
(8:05am)
The way I keep listening to the same songs over and over while playing
solitaire just made me think about how this time last week, I'd never heard
these songs before.
While these songs are not changing my life the way some other songs by some other bands have (only a few, only a few! not that many things are life-altering for me), I think that's part of their charm. They're pretty low-key, as well as catchy. I definately see elements of how I go about things in the songs, and that they are not pushy makes them all the more resonant -- sometimes, just when you think the song's going to break, lyrically or musically, it just stops. And that is just exactly right.
It's just a lot more catchy than my life. Hee.
But the resignation, the ruefulness, etc...it's also working for me. I'd think of more adjectives, but ... not right now.
And this is when I forget to believe in all the things I scripted they
sound unfounded.
And the look that you're giving me, it tells me exactly what you are
thinking:
"this ain't working anymore."
Yeah.
I mean, this is not S-K epiphany, nor a Dismemberment Plan, uh, epiphany. But. Uh. Yeah.
(7:45am)
I caught a few episodes of dubbed Cowboy Bebop on Cartoon Network
the other day. The dub really does not work for me. All of the characters
sound like they're grinning all the time, and that's just Not Right.
Faye does not grin, she smirks. Spike does not grin, he grimaces. Jet does not grin, he glowers.
Well, ok, maybe Ed and Ein grin all the time, but I don't think so.
Sigh.
(6:31am)
I don't really want to know why Kitty just licked my head. Sigh.
(6:12am)
Need:
(5:33am)
It's true
I don't care at all
I don't mind your Studio Hair Gel
I don't mind the Howard Jones poster on your wall
Doesn't even phase me
-Barcelona, "Studio Hair Gel"
(4:28am)
Additionally, I was thrilled to discover Death Cab for Cutie would be
coming to DC within the next month. Even better, they're playing with
Victory at Sea. Weeeeeee!
(3:50am)
There's a holdup in the Bronx
Brooklyn's broken out in fights
There's a traffic jam in Harlem
That's backed up to Jackson Heights
There's a scout troop short a child
Khrushchev's due at Idlewild....
Also, I'm annoyed because I can't find a place to buy contact paper online. And searching Ebay has presented me with a dilemma: Babar? Battlestar Galactica? THE INCREDIBLE HULK??
Ok, BG would be far too retro-hip for me; The Hulk, too distracting (because it looked like it was actual frames from a comic book, which I would be compelled to read. Which would be bad, since I am looking for contact paper as a replacement for the headliner in my car. You see). I think Babar is the best of those three (and, really, the best of many groups of three I can come up with), but not what I'm looking for, really. I'm looking for this contact paper my mom used to have, this tan/orange/light green flower on a white background kind of thing.
That, or a really ugly plaid. I will continue to hope I will be able to find something I like.
Of course, I couldn't feel my legs or hands or feet, but, well, you know.
I'm so glad I live in a time when we, as humans, wear clothing.
(5:43am)
There are many things which have fallen into the fuck it bucket.
Hee! Fuck it bucket! Get on board.
(5:07am)
Also, I think I am going to head to Baltimore tomorrow specifically to go
to Soundgarden. Sad, sad, sad. But happy!
(5:03am)
Which is not to say that the wedding wasn't cool.
Also, I like New York; everything is old and worn, and everyone's going on about their business, and living in the subway behind their eyes, and so are you, and it's going to go on that way, and that is terrific.
Life is just a bowl of pork chops.
(4:20am)
Shit, it is a lot later than I thought it was.
Augh.
Saturday night I was feeling a clear disconnection, a clear loss of what the hell was going on, a clear inability to relate to anyone. A clear disgust with some things. Also, clearly, that a slip would've been nice, since the dress I had on buttoned down the front, and it was ... breezy.
I just kept thinking Anil should've gone instead of me, since he can actually, you know, TALK TO PEOPLE. I didn't even want to drink. I guess that's the closest I'll ever come to sexual impotence, or something. I mean. I know it happens to other people. I ... just never expected it to happen to me. You know.
James and I also drove through one of the more godforsaken areas of New Jersey, which had a single redeeming thing. Well, two, if you count functioning restrooms at Wendy's.
The idea of someone wanting to hang around for the rest of their life is just weird for me. Or, hey, for even 24 hours. Well. I mean. Not exactly that. I'm not going to say it.
Maybe it's time to start giving out apples for Halloween, and start with the cat collecting.
I want it all to just...fall...out.
Hell. Who am I trying to kid? I am that cryptic. It's just not entirely on purpose, or at least, not just to be cryptic. I'll tell you sometime why.
Ok, probably not.
(12:07am)
Driving, wedding, not drinking, sleeping, ferrying, subwaying, watching,
freezing, sleeping, subwaying, ferrying, sleeping, now.
It's either called that, or "Title Track". Whatever. Daaaaaamn, it is fine.
(11:01am)
I was driving to work last night, thinking about The Ice Storm, most
specifically about Kevin Kline's character, and how it was really good
I saw the movie when I did, and how I still am feeling lost and like I was
so sure I knew what I was doing, but something was wrong and misunderstood.
And mistaken, as in, mis-taken.
I say it was good timing, because the feelings are not so strong at the moment, but are still really familiar. And at one point, the movie, the last scene, really, would've done me in entirely, rather than only mostly.
Anyway. I'm not saying it at all well, but anyway.
On the way home, I was listening to a CD that had the lyric, "my greatest strength is my greatest weakness", and I'm not sure I know which of my strengths and which of my weaknesses are my greatest. Heh.
And I say "someone" because I've had this dream several times over the last few days, involving like 4 or 5 different people. It's weird.
(2:46am)
So Paul and I just watched a doubleheader of ... not exactly depression,
but not something I guess I can describe very well at the moment.
Dancer in the Dark is long and Bjork is very impressive in it.
I kept thinking of The Umbrellas of Cherbourg when Catherine Deneuve was in a scene. I'm used to fairly upbeat musicals, or something.
I've also gotten over my obsession with the song "If We Can Land a Man on the Moon, Then Surely I Can Win Your Heart", by Beulah, and the two songs I have by Death Cab for Cutie have taken over. Well, I'm probably not actually over the obsession, but I don't want to listen to it right now.
It's not so much the lyrics as the Pacific Heroinwest sound.
I mean, Northwest. Or both.
Anyway.
Songs I'd do a cover of if I were in a band:
That's all I can think of now...mostly because I can't think of the songs that I like but don't have on CD.
Hm.
I'm not sure what my point is.
Also, there's this very eerie thing going on.
Anyway.
Or, actually, I think I'm just used to people who know me way too well.
It is the Labor Day weekend of my discontent.
(10:09am)
So, yeah, the car got fixed, and I've been tooling around since Thursday.
Last night, I put in the CD player.
I listened to the Will Oldham "I'm putting out too much stuff under my own name so I'll put something out under a different name" Bonnie "Prince" Billy CD on the way to work. I've been to a minor place.
I don't fucking know.
Anyway, I've been feeling unusually ugly recently. It's kind of interesting.
(9:19am)
Have you ever considered that hitting yourself in the head with a hammer
might be less painful?
Maybe I just like to hit myself in the head more than the next person, then.
(8:24am)
Anil's right. This is best song from Men
at Work.
I mean, it's not very deep. But still.
Well, I mean, with less emphasis on basketball.
(8:56am)
I've been getting remarkably little sleep recently. Even for me.
I want a bumper sticker that says, "Cats and Dogs, Living Together", to go along with "I'm Huge!".
I, uh, yeah.
I'm so tired. My mind is on the blink.
(10:26am)
I am stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid as the day is long.
What the hell kind of quantifier is that?
Or something.
Sure, it's only 3 times, but it's kind of funny.
(2:05pm)
Oh, man, I hate getting sick. Being sick is annoying, but at least I can
sleep when I'm sick. The first day or two with a cold means no sleeping.
Dammit.
Also, this cold is attacking my sinuses something fierce.
OH! The car might even be done by today or tomorrow! I'm wildly impressed.
Now I'll just have to put the CD player in. Weeeeeeee!
Pitchfork reviews the new TMBG album
This one line in particular:
All the charms They Might Be Giants once seemed to possess have dissipated into a cloud of embarrassing awkwardness.
And I have this fear that this also applies to me, except I haven't put out a CD recently.
(4:09pm)
Finally had the silver car towed away to be fixed today. I'm way, way too
excited about 1) having a car again, and 2) it being the silver car.
I think I'll feel a little weird about it if it costs more to get it fixed than it did to buy it, but, oh well.
Anyway. Weird in a good way, which way too many things have been, recently. TOO good in a weird way. Or is that too weird in a good way? Hee!
Ok, fine, I'm really tired.
Hee.
I better be quiet now.
(7:09am)
Yay, the sun's coming up.
Actually, I mean it. Not that I was expecting it not to or anything, just I was sort of waiting for it.
(4:55am)
I am so into the idea of working overnights.
So, anyway, on the way to work Tuesday, I was thinking about how I don't really make anything at work. And that I'm not sure I actually know anyone who makes anything.
I mean, I make notes in tickets (or will, when I get access to the ticketing system). I know people who write code, or write manuals for software, or do research and then write stuff. People who work on cars, and stuff. Basically, service-oriented jobs.
The writers come the closest to producing, in the way I'm thinking. I don't think I have put good words to it yet. Like, code is stuff someone made, but it's not so much an end in itself as what the code produces from what gets fed into it.
I'm a big fan of being a faceless worker, in a way, and I know that I am. It's just that: where are the people who make the things? I guess I could just happen to not know any.
I know they're out there, because do I have a hell of a lot of stuff.
I may well be in the right frame of mind to start in on that Chomsky stuff I got a few weeks ago. Hee.
Which reminds me, I need to get rid of stuff.
(4:41am)
Also:
I'm doomed. Why?
Mmmmmyeah.
(4:40am)
Sitting on your hands because they're cold makes it hard to type.
(4:01am)
I did all the dumb adult things I had to do. Yay, bills. I was so adult
tonight that around 1 am I switched a credit card balance to another card
with a lower interest rate.
And what I have to say about that is, 24-hour customer service is a blessing of this modern age.
On the other hand, ordering online at any time of day or night is a mixed blessing of this modern age.
Anyway, things are all fucked up, but on the plus side, I'm drinking a lot less.
(12:27am)
The problem with your brain screaming "DUMBASS!" at you all the time, is
that you sometimes ignore it. Sometimes, this is good, and sometimes,
you're like, doh, I am a dumbass.
A couple of times, I did this with other people, and it was basically an exercise in skipping and running and giggling, and pie-tossing. I did it a few times alone, and that's more appropriate for me at the moment; once, I left a game we were playing in Easton, and walked along, with no real idea of what I was doing. Maybe I was considering going to a movie at the Hoff.
But when I came to the place where I could turn right to the Hoff, or left, and sneak onto the field, I turned left. I just wanted to be alone, and, even though football was involved, it seemed a good bet.
So, I went up to the top of the stadium, and sat there, cold. I think it was December, and we were all waiting for our finals and crap. And even over the lights of the city, I could see the Washington Monument, and some other stuff. And it was kind of cool: just being there, and there being something that was huge enough to see a bunch of miles away, and that meant something, and that was named for someone who did stuff 200 years before I was born. Someone who did a lot of things 200 years before I was born. And that there were millions of people who did things in this country and died before I was born. And that there were people who were still doing things in DC at 1 am while I was sitting on the top of the bleachers at UMD, a dumbass college student who didn't know anything. And had so many things that so many other people didn't have, and didn't have so many things that so many other people had. And I had myself, just sitting there, in whatever dumb coat I was wearing at the time.
I really don't remember what I was thinking at the time. Maybe I was pissed off that I'd lost the game we'd been playing. Maybe I was just glad to be alone and not have to talk to anyone. Maybe I was thinking something even more pretentious than the stuff I'm writing now. But I was just pretty damn content to be there, and thinking about whatever I was thinking about, maybe potential future stuff that would happen (or not, as the case may be), but I was just sitting there, staring off into space, and staring at DC, the nation's capitol, kind of giddy that I could see it from the place I lived most of the year (and loved like crazy. I loved living at UMD. It was a little indication of how excellent it was to be an adult, without most of the things that make being an independant adult annoying).
And then, it started to snow. It was one of the most perfect moments of that year.
And I don't mean the DPlan song.
(12:23am)
It's kind of funny. I'm listening to this song (fine, fine, "The City",
once again), and the one line, it's awful, but universal. Which one! Hey!
Anyway, I'm not going to go into what I'm really thinking, because I can't put any good words to why I suddenly realize I love so many things, even though nothing's really any different. Or. This weird feeling I have that I haven't had for a long time that I could actually make some sort of difference, or something.
Mostly I don't want to go into it, because it doesn't make any sense. And the last few days make it vaguely vulgar. Or something.
It seems wrong, when I feel so sick, to feel so good. Or maybe I mean at peace. Except how can it be peace when everything makes you realize you could die at any minute, and your roommate's not home and you're worried?
And when so much is going wrong.
Maybe it's the lack of sleep.
I'm giving blood Friday.
Joel Achenbach says it better.
(2:21am)
I read documentation all day at work today. ALL. DAY. Really. Ten hours. My
brain is still rubbery.
Also, I decided that my hair is still too damaged to tolerate, and I have to find someone competent to cut it. Or finally do as I've been threatening myself, and just go at it with some scissors. I've been too much of a wuss so far, but still.
So, yeah, we flung the bread out the window, aiming for cars. No one was walking along, unfortuntately, to get caught in the freak breadslicestorm.
I got some CDs yesterday.
Also, Judy let me pick out a bunch of tapes from the big pile she got from Jon Evers. BIG COUNTRY! WOO!
I mean. Um. No. I guess that's what I mean. Sigh.
(11:28pm)
Is getting shot/In the butt/Incentive enough?
(11:22pm)
I am quite possibly the stupidest person in the world.
Wait. No. I take that back.
What I mean to say is, I really am not sure what is the best thing to do in the situation that I was pretty sure I knew what to do. Pfeh.
(11:07pm)
So, there was a party at Judy's last night (housewarming...not that she's
lived there for 2 years or anything, but you know). This morning, David
went out and got us pho, which is basically everything you want in a food
after a night of hard drinking. Not that we've tested it experimentally.
Ok, well, ok, we have. But anyway.
Then Brian showed up to go out to lunch. So we did. Hee! Ap-pe-tizer.
Then, we basically sacked out in Judy's basement and watched tv. Judy, of course, fell asleep. I failed several times in my attempts to convince One Bad Pig Jr that he should sleep on my ass. I also failed to go to sleep.
But, there was a Law and Order marathon on TNT, so, all in all, not a bad day.
I ran out to Giant because I needed to get a toothbrush for David, and saw the biggest eggplant I've ever seen. I should've gotten it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I swear, it was huge.
Thaaaaaat...was pretty much it.
(3:02am)
Two of the best song titles we still have to write the songs for:
(1:57am)
Makes you wanna feel, makes you wanna try, makes you wanna blow the stars
from the sky
Scores of mice agree.
Luckily, they were not killer deer, and ambled away peaceful-like.
Also, I've been listening to Smart Went Crazy's Now We're Even all the way to work and home again. D.A.N.G.
I've finally kind of gotten tired of Rival Schools's "Good Things". But "Get Off", by the Dandy Warhols, is still catchy beyond my ability to express.
I'm not sure what I think of this start.
Worst ID picture ever. Wait. Since high school.
(2:42am)
I've had in the last few days a revelation of sorts of what kind of dynamic
I do the best with.
Yes, thanks, I'm going to keep ending sentances with prepositions.
With which I do best. Bleh. There.
At least at the outset of things.
(1:08am)
I think Kristin Hersh's "Spain" is currently my favorite song.
I mean, dang.
Though "37 Hours" is also mighty fine.
And, oh, yeah, found the camera. Whew.
On the other hand, the computer I use to play solitaire is slightly broked. Dammit.
Just because you fucked it up doesn't mean we knew it
(1:37pm)
Recently, I've noticed several bands selling t-shirts with silver designs.
I am all for this. That is all.
(3:05am)
Also, even though it does a really good job on making my hair not look so
damaged, I am not too fond of the way my new shampoo and conditioner smell.
They don't smell evil. The smell is just too strong. Gr.
(I really really like L'Oreal ColorVive and NutriVive. ANYWAY. I'm sure you know to not take beauty tips from me.)
I'm going to have to dye my hair again. Dagnabbit. The nice dark brown/red washed out in like a freaking week and a half to a chestnutty color. Must. Be. Darker. Bleh.
(2:09am)
Also, I can only remember 2 other times my mouth was as dry as it was parts
of tonight. I mean, not counting times when, say, the dentist was actively
drying it out, or due to some drug or another.
(I can't remember which drug dried out my mouth. It was prescription. Geez, people.)
(1:39am)
So. I've been in a good mood. How odd. Hee!
I...am not going to go too much into it, but it's weird. Partly I am not going into it because I can't come up with exactly what it is. So. There you go.
Anyway, it was only improved by the Rival Schools show at the Ottobar tonight. As usual, it was pretty packed. And. It's August. So, yeah. Not as bad as when Anil and I went to see the Rival Schools/Burning Airlines show at the Black Cat, in July, with broken air conditioning. Goddamn.
But, so, anyway, when the band started, being hot, standing up, a guy standing 4 inches in front of me, none of it mattered. (If you know me at all, you know possibly the best unit to measure what I estimate to be my personal space is city blocks. But anyway, if you don't know me, you have an idea now.)
But it didn't matter. The lead singer seemed like he wanted to be nowhere else. Which will carry even a crappy band a long way towards a good show. But Rival Schools is really good. Or, at least, they play stuff I like.
But, so, I'm standing there, smelling the guy in front of me's Old Spice deodorant. And all that mattered was the (wow, this sounds trite) music, and the drops of sweat rolling down the middle of my back. I was just standing there enjoying the way it felt. That must sound disgusting. Oh well. It's true.
(Unlike at the Black Cat show, where it seemed dangerously hot. There was no enjoying that sweating.)
And before one of the songs, the singer goes on this tangent about Yoda and The Empire Strikes Back, and about living in the moment, and it was fairly eerie.
Anyway. But. So.
Just wanted to work those in one more time.
I walked out feeling better after a show than I have in a long time.
That is all.
Mike has a good point:
If you have an entirely reasonable, fully functional plan, do not abandon it in favor of no plan.
Especially if you're in Chicago.
Can't beat that unless it's free.
Also, I love the stunned look.
(1:50pm)
It's not an awful secret, you know
It's just a secret
Spitting out your blue gum
Kissing your breath away
I wanted you to sleep with her and
Hate yourself instead of me
I wanted you untrue,
Hating yourself like me
After all, what am I missing
I haven't missed before,
Sucking down the precious lies
I should have swallowed way before?
-Kristin Hersh, "Spain"
I told you.
(1:43pm)
Also, I remembered something else: the thought came to me that I could get
a tattoo of the outline of VA on my ass. Ok, it was really funny when I
thought of it. Of course, I also spent the weekend laughing my ass off over
this video on Animal Planet of this teeny tiny monkey leaping onto
someone's face. Seriously. I'm like a troubled person.
(1:32pm)
Just got back from Chicago a few hours ago...Because I had such a hilarious
first day there, I will say more about that later. But: also.
Number one: I am mighty confused. (Not that this is all that unusual, but, uh, no, really. MIGHTY. But whatever. I'm used to it and all, and also, I'm not going to say any more about it. So. There.)
Number two: I raise my tiny, mighty fists in mock celebration of my driving a hell of a long way last night without crashing into anything.
Number three: It occurred to me while driving (probably through Ohio) that this pain I've been having in my jaw may possibly be caused by my as-yet-unremoved wisdom teeth. And me with no medical insurance. Ha! That's pretty funny.
Number four: I became slightly obsessed with Kristin Hersh's most recent album during the course of the weekend. I need to get my own copy. I was going to wear out poor Mike's CD. Ok. Not really. But still.
Number five: Ann Marie and Jon are in town and I didn't miss them, Chicago notwithstanding. Wooho!
Number six (I haven't been able to type in a while, being 700 miles away from home and a computer and all. Sorry, yo): I need to start getting frames for all these concert posters I've accumulated.
Number seven: I finally got my severance pay; I still really, really wish I'd gotten it in the form of a large novelty check. Dagnabbit.
Actually, that's all I can think of, right now.
I bet there are more. Oh, like, Buffy the Vampire Slayer on r1, ahem ahem.
Gracious hosts, kick-ass weekend-long party.
(2:01am)
So: Usenet.
There was one article in rec.humor.funny, likening some "Code Red" worm to "that time of the month" for the internet. It was as unfunny as it sounds, right there, as I described it. Har. Har.
On the other hand, in um.forsale, there was an article with the subject "Free Wood", which, without even reading, made me giggle. Because I'm 12.
Also because found humor is better than forced, but still.
(1:59am)
Everyone should own at least one hat that looks good on his or her head.
Baseball caps are acceptable.
(6:42pm)
So, while watching lots and lots of A&E, I realize that the new Sandra
Burnhard show that seems to have an infinite number of different
commercials currently in rotation will displace my beloved Law and
Order at 11 pms.
I FEAR CHANGE!
(Ok, I don't, but it's funny for reasons that I'm not going to go into.)
(Well. Ok. Kinda funny, anyway.)
(6:40pm)
Awesome.
FORT AWESOME.
(2:07pm)
I had this dream about going to see a movie at the Black Cat, and there was
this weird seating arrangement, and the screen came way out over most of
the seats. I tried to get a sandwich (except it was downstairs, instead of
at that one little counter thing in the Red Room), but the stairs were
closed, and instead, there was a pizza stand set up.
Look, man, I don't know.
Anyway, after fucking up point of entry back into the States, and driving all through upstate NY, I really, really want to go camping there again.
Hm.
Not bad, just...weird.
Uh. What else. I wonder if the thing I jammed into my left earlobe is of large enough diameter to reach the other hole in that ear.
Unfortunately, I don't think it is.
Oh! There they are.
(4:49am)
The problem with things that don't make sense is that they can't be
combatted by logic.
I wish I could just instantly fall asleep whenever I wanted.
Self-conscious. What the fuck?
(4:31am)
Mmmm, I still love you, breadmaker.
Everything means nothing to me.
(1:05am)
I'm making plans to watch a bad tv show tomorrow night.
I should be shot in the face.
(12:51am)
Hee!
(12:31am)
I tried sitting with both ankles on knees, cross-legged yesterday (er,
Saturday); it used to be comfortable. But I think it was a combination of
sitting on the lawn and not having sat like that for a while that made it
not so comfortable for very long. Oh, my back. Oh, my neck. Oh, my neck and
my back. Only not exactly.
(12:24am)
Also, bread machine + bread ingredients + pesto = bread which is
amazingly damn tasty.
I mean, hey, busy next couple of days I got.
(and now it's only 11:53 at night, so you know how not late all the ones
below are)
I like some cats more than others.
(though it's hardly even late at all)
I'm in a weird mood.
I'm in a weirdly destructive mood.
A very destructive mood.
Which would be fine. But it's not.
This fucking blows.
Pretty eloquent tonight, huh?
(and now it's even later)
Also, there was a pair of free sun glasses in Anil's car, which I claimed,
since he doesn't wear sunglasses. I am getting back into wearing contacts
when it's sunny out. Mostly so I can wear sunglasses. Since I now have 2
pairs that I like.
Almost as much as those cat-eye sunglasses that Ann Marie found in a tux that someone returned to the bridal shop last year. Or, maybe the year before. One or the other.
If I cared more, I would contemplate making this page better somehow.
Just aesthetically pleasing. Huh.
(later than it ever was)
Also: use up film, and also, also, the black and the white film. RIGHT.
RIGHT.
(now it's even later)
One: Bet I'll have to shave
Two: Wish I had something (a very specific something), but I don't.
Dammit.
Three: Need to go to the post office tomorrow.
Four: Need to send mail about why the things that are going to be sent
out tomorrow are late.
Five: There must be something else.
Six: Not that you necessarily need to know what it is.
(later)
I would make a shitty sysadmin.
The crossword in today's Washington Post magazine was really, really
hard.
Uh. I think there was something else. Well, other things. But still.
Totally random and apropos of nothing other than having too much time on my hands where I'm actively trying to keep myself thinking of some things and not other things: my nose is horrible, but I can't even imagine changing it.
Dude, I totally told you I'm trying to occupy myself. It's not pretty.
I'm not only bored, I'm boring! Rock.
(earlier)
Well, that was fun.
Except for being pretentious. Goddammit. I hate when I do that.
It's so much more hip to say it in a defeated tone.
Well, I mean, when you're trying to get to sleep, anyway.
I listened to Lou Reed. I'm sure you're enthralled.
(9:46pm)
I fixed the Internet!
(Our router was unplugged)
(9:26pm)
Going to Jon Evers's yesterday made me remember all kinds of
cringe-inducing memories. Bleh.
Hrumph.
I mean. Nothing to do with Jon. Hee.
(3:26am)
I'm thinking about all the stuff I have, and about moving it. I have about
a dozen chairs, but no sofa. Gr.
Wow. I just realized I'm not exaggerating about the chairs.
A bed, a dresser, a coffee table, shelves, a small cedar chest.
And, of course, a bread maker. Though it's not furniture.
Oh! And an end table. Mini-fridge.
(1:17am)
I wish I could read and sleep at the same time.
For one reason or another, I never got a bread machine. Oh. Right. I was broke. And while it seemed like a good idea fairly often after I got a real job, I never actually got around to getting a bread machine.
Until tonight.
Jon Evers, who's moving to the west coast, sold me his bread machine.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
I'm making bread as we speak. Well. I mean. As I type.
(4:29am)
I should read Rememberance of Things Past.
This is the fate one condemns oneself to when one decides to listen to a CD that one listened to a lot during a certain period of one's life.
I'm just sayin.
In my case, at least.
(3:08am)
Funniest. Product. Name. Ever.
Swear to God.
(3:19pm)
So, last night: Hoboken.
I never thought I'd say, "PLEASE, just let us get to Hoboken", but that just proves you should never say never.
So, yesterday: I leave a little late from work, go pick up Josh and Emily, and we get on the beltway. At 4pm. Argh.
Get to Tanley Road at 5. I need a few minutes to myself, so I ask Anil to write down the directions to Maxwell's in Hoboken. I should've called him; he'd've had an hour to do it, then. Dag.
So, we take off. There's some uncertainty about how to get past Baltimore, what with the derailed train in the tunnel and the toxic waste and all, but 895 is surprisingly clear. For 5pm.
Anyway, driving driving driving. Tolls tolls tolls. We get to the NJ Turnpike. Listening to the special advisory radio station, it turns out that the exact exit we need to take is blocked by a overturned tractor trailer. Dagnabbit.
Anil cleverly calls AAA, and so route 1 is now the way we're going.
We pass Jersey City; we're about to go into the Holland Tunnel. NO! Not the Tunnel! Anil pulls a tire-squealing left onto the last street before the tunnel.
After some wrong turns, we end up in the same area of Hoboken as Maxwell's. We came over 200 miles to go to Adams Morgan! Fuck!
Anyway, yeah. So, we went, we saw the show, Quasi played, I grinned like an idiot and couldn't stop. Sam Coomes looks eerily like he could be my dad's younger brother. Not that he looks like my dad's real life younger brother. But still.
Smile! It's not so bad!
I'm addicted to Post-its.
Why use a whole big piece of paper when you could use a little, tiny pink one, plus stick it to your desk?
Brilliant.
(11:42am)
There was an empty packet of Swiss Miss in the womens' room.
Dude. Who's making hot chocolate in the bathroom? Ew.
Also, this morning, I said I felt ambiguously about something. Instead of ambivalently. Argh.
I mean, it was like 5:30am, but it's still inexcusable.
(9:32am)
I lost some hours thinking of it!
I lost a lifetime thinking of it.
(7:19am)
Dammit, there's nowhere to get a good, quick salad at 6:30am.
Giant, you are where I will be getting my lunch! Be prepared!
Kitty scratching the wall. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
This sound my mattress makes when I am laying on it in certain spots; stupid spring noises.
I would add "breathing on myself" to this list, but I take measures to cover up properly, so it doesn't happen (I hate breathing on my arm. I don't know why. Just when I'm trying to get to sleep, I hate it. Anyway).
There were other things, but I don't remember them right now. I just remember thinking, "I hate everything about my life". Then Kitty scratched the wall again, and the mattress made another noise. Ugh.
Anyway.
Not recommended.
Sincerely,
Steph's scalp
"If I Had a Hammer", by American Music Club, is a song I like way too much.
Maybe I'm almost there.
(5:20pm)
I think I'm going to dye my hair tonight.
Sweet, sweet blue. How I've missed you.
(5:14pm)
Hombre, donde esta mi auto?
That is about all the Spanish I know.
Thank you, and goodnight.
(5:00pm)
Also, I should fix the record player tonight. Solder, baby, solder!
(4:52pm)
Etc, etc, etc. Et-cee.
I'm in a weird mood. Happy but not really exactly happy, content but discontent, satisfied but not really having anything I've been wanting.
But still! Happy enough! But still! Thinking it's weird.
(4:35pm)
So it turns out I'm not really insane. I was just wrong. And the best part?
It wasn't even all my fault!
I mean. I know "not really insane" doesn't really follow from just being wrong. Maybe I mean, "not totally stupid and trying to figure out where I missed the point". Actually, I am pretty sure that's what I mean. And I'm not even that!
Still, not as good as, say, being at home with a beer and a book would be.
But better than 30 minutes ago, when nothing I was trying to do made sense.
The T1's even testing clean, which clearly means I will die in a tragic crash sometime this weekend, what with everything going so well.
(1:14am)
I can't stop humming "Norwegian Wood" to myself.
(12:00pm)
I was complaining for a while to Mike about yesterday, and sort of about
things that really don't even merit complaining about. In a way.
But do, in another way.
Except...they're THE KITTENS. Sigh.
(5:10pm)
I will never ever run away! I'll be here to fight another day! I will make
you realize! I will always be right by your side! Doo dee doo doo!
Yeah, I guess I need help. You have to admit it to yourself first, you know.
KIT-TY ENNNNNN!
(2:49pm)
I wonder what I'd look like with brown eyes.
(I'm waiting for someone to call me; I am sort of allowed to be bored.)
(2:18pm)
I went to the eye doctor's today. As I expected, the annoying floaters in
my right eye weren't anything the doctor could do anything about. Also, as
I kind of suspected, the lens for my right eye is a little stronger than it
needs to be.
I only started noticing it a week or two ago, though.
So, finally, he gave me the pupil dialation drops. Uh, Yay! I look like Mr. Sparkle. I disrespect dirt! Can you not tell that I am serious!?
Yeah, me either.
(12:41pm)
Hi, I'm a big dork, and I'd like some of these.
I'm not sure what it is. If you have any theories, please let me know.
(I'm listening to Smart Went Crazy, and dig it. I'm way too familiar with AMC's San Francisco and Mercury)
(3:44pm)
Also, in the weird dream last night, I took my shoes off for some reason,
and thought someone had stolen the shoelaces when I went back to get the
shoes. But I realized I was looking at the wrong pair of shoes, so I kept
looking. I thought I'd found my shoes, but it looked like someone had
stolen
the leather off the top of the shoe. I yelled about that some, then
realized these were also not my shoes. The third pair I thought were my
shoes were just a strip of formed plastic in the shape of the soles. Again,
with the yelling and being pissed off.
Then I realized I'd left my shoes somewhere else, and found them exactly where I'd left them, laces, leather, heel insert thingies and all.
The sad part is, this kind of thing happens. I mean, not exactly, with getting the leathers stolen from my shoes, but the ranting when I misplace something, only to find it two minutes later, and perfectly fine.
Ok. What I mean to say is, this happens when I pour a soda or put down my keys, because those are the only things I tend to lose on a regular basis.
(11:51am)
I would like to take a bunch of pictures of the subways in Toronto and
Montreal.
Also, I had a weird dream Saturday night involving throwing a party, I think because I was moving, and having people I usually see about once a year show up.
Last night (well, this morning), I had a weird dream about going to the Galaxy Hut. It was much bigger, and they let you bring your own beer, because they only had crappy beer on tap for some reason. They were having this odd competition/pageant thing, and after drinking one beer, I started feeling strange. I was reeling around, realizing that something was not right with me. A friend who ususally shaves his head was there, and he had a big spiky mohawk. Someone bought me a ginger ale. I looked down and realized I wasn't wearing any pants (really!), then somehow knew I'd put them in my bookbag without remembering I'd either taken them off or put them anywhere, and when I looked, there they were.
I woke myself up by hitting my foot against one of the slats on the end of my bed.
Also, I found out that the most comfortable way to ride in the back seat of a Toyota Celica is to be laying down.
Boom chikka wa wa!
Ok, not at all, actually.
DOOMED, I SAY!
(5:10am)
I was just getting ready to go to bed, when I heard one of my roommates
mumble (obviously pretty loudly) in his sleep. It made me wonder if pets
hear you talking in your sleep and wonder what's going on, like most people
do when they see their pets twitching and sniffing in their sleep.
What I figure is, dogs kind of care, but then they might wag their tail, and go, "OH MY GOD MY TAIL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!" and forget all about it.
Cats, I think, hear it, but don't really care. Though, they care about everything else you do in bed. Like, try to go to sleep, when you should be petting them. Or move your foot under the blankets in your sleep. I know for a fact that the second is a very big cat night concern. Especially since I was woken up last Saturday, very, very early, by a cat hanging from its claws. Which were embedded in the foot I hang over the end of the bed (I know, it's weird, but otherwise whichever leg is straight out does this uncomfortable tingly thing which is not exactly a tingle. I can't quite explain it. I'll just say that when I found out not pointing the foot of whichever leg I have straight made that leg not do the not-tingle thing, I was more than happy to find a way to not point the foot).
So. Uh. That's all.
So then I went out to lunch, then to a non-existant park nearby. I ran into a...friend? Ex-friend? Someone I used to work with? Anyway, he saw me and called me over to the picnic table where he was sitting, smoking. I was like, when did you start smoking? And he said that he'd just picked it up. He looked really tired. Weary.
And that's all I remember. Then, the guy from Rhythms who was working on our DSL had a really old Digex t-shirt on.
Anyhow.
Heh.
(5:11pm)
I still have to go to another floor to euphemistically "wash my hands"; I
always go to the first floor, because on the 4th floor, you have to ask
someone for keys. GODDDAMMIT IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO...I mean, yeah, so I
go downstairs.
Right next to the door from the stairwell, there's a pay phone; above it I just noticed someone's scrawled "VA SUCKS" in ballpoint pen. HEE!
I mean, vandalism is wrong, kids.
Hee.
(4:52pm)
We are sleeping like angels, and living like devils again.
(3:15pm)
Last night at the show, the sound guy put on a CD I recognized between the
first 2 bands. Hello, yes, I'm a dork.
I mean, um, I guess the second sentence there is, uh, yeah.
And, uh, I made brownies yesterday!
(12:43am)
Happy Canada Day!
I went grocery shopping with Anil an hour or two ago. There was a People about beautiful people (ok, yeah, like they all aren't, but bear with me, this was a SPECIAL ISSUE or something, about SIZZLING BACHELORS, I think). All I have to say is, Josh Hartnett is So Fine that despite everything, I'd have a beer with him, if you know what I'm saying.
And I think you may.
(What can I say? Watch The Faculty, and if you don't know what I'm saying, we obviously don't have the same tastes. That GTO! Those jeans! THAT LAB IN THE GARAGE! THOSE GLASSES! Oh, I've got to put a cold cloth to my forehead, now. Excuse me.)
I'm not obsessed with ebay at all. Nope.
With selling some stuff? Yeah, with that, I might be obsessed.
Last night, I looked at the stuff I'm currently selling. Out of the batch, only the Shetland Pony model doesn't have any bids on it. I was on the phone with Judy, said, "The Shetland Pony isn't moving!", then started laughing like a madman. I kill me. I say that because I'm sure I'm the only one who finds it funny. Since no one else laughed when I told them how the Shetland Pony wasn't moving. Oh well.
Soooooo much stuff I want to sell. It's all sitting in Jon's old bedroom. At least it's moved out of the closet, so I can look at it, and say to myself every day, "I must sell this".
(7:50pm)
I just picked up dinner. I drove to a Greek carryout place, and got a
sandwich/salad/fries combo thingy, and drove back to the office with the
windows down, and one of the first few songs on the new White Stripes album
playing. Weather: bilssfully excellent. AND the Giant had Diet Cherry Coke,
AND it was on sale.
(11:26am)
Dude, something smells like warm canned dog food.
(11:17am)
So, another thing I hate is information that goes undocumented.
Another thing is useless information, documented.
Anyway, as I was leaving, I turned out my office light, which turned out to be the only one on. Oops. Darkness. I turned the office light back on, but then proceeded to minorly freak out. I didn't want to open any doors, sure that something would come at me from behind them.
Anyway. It mostly wore off by the time I got home, except I couldn't sleep until 6 am from the ensuing adrenaline rush.
Also, I had a dream that some friends of mine from college were living in NYC, but I ran into them at a show in Wheaton. I think this comes from reading the thing sent out by my high school (about what people who bother to write in are doing). So many people having kids! Yikes!
Meanwhile, damn, look at those prepositional phrases.
(3:15pm)
I've been having this weird problem with seeing things up close. I'm
writing it off to eyestrain. It sucks.
I walked around the old Red Sox stadium two years ago, when they were playing the Yankees in the playoffs, and got this goofy Big Green Monster t-shirt. On the cross-country trip many years ago, we stayed with friends of Brian's in Chicago, like 3 blocks from Wrigley Field. Unfortunately, all of the times I've been to Seattle, it's not been baseball season. But Safeco is en route from SEATAC to Seattle proper.
ANYWAY.
(4:02pm)
XMMS, now playing Music to Fall Asleep To.
Then Kew, then kew veddy much.
(earlier)
Maybe I'll only listen to this CD like 8 times today.
(Cure for Pain, that is)
I'd say I feel European, but I am pretty sure I don't. Just tired. Hee.
Sometimes, it takes so little. Or something like that.
I'm giggling, thinking about making up cheezy pick-up lines while listening to Avalon on vinyl. Hee!
(12:21pm)
Something you said set the house ablaze!
Oh, so the cartridge for the record player came yesterday. Time to start playing records!
Blah blah, my world is small, but not in any way to do with that Disney thing.
(5:03pm)
Also, it's weird, but the band for my watch makes my wrist itch if I rest
my wrist on the edge of my desk while typing. It's really only if I rest my
wrist in a way such that the watch is sandwiched between wrist and desk.
It's fairly annoying. But such a relief when I consciously realize my wrist is feeling all funny because of the watch and take it off. Ahhh.
(4:39pm)
I have floaters in my right eye and it's really annoying.
Um. Other than that...not much to say, not much to do. The city's been dead. Er. Proverbially. Since you ... oh, nevermind.
Um. And cables. But still!
(4:31pm)
I hate it when my life matches up to a list of symptoms.
(2:47pm)
Should I bother getting lunch? Signs point to no.
Also.
Oh, nevermind.
(1:21pm)
Dear God, I know what tawny port is. And what's worse, the only time I've
seen or heard it explained was on a little bit of Emeril Live, which
I was watching out of sheer desperation, and was only tolerable because the
part I watched was about booze. I'm not an Emeril fan. If you didn't know.
Meanwhile, I have to write down highlights of a show I've just seen so I don't forget them.
And I still am hazy on amps versus volts (though, well, amperage measures the pipeline, and volts the flow of charge, but, what the fuck? pipeline? I understand pipeline, but how is it limited? Or opened? I guess different material has different conductive properties, but I thought that was more to do with volts it could conduct. Let electrons flow. Isn't that a combination of amperage and voltage, though? I give up. I can visualize all of this just fine, but the details...bleh. ANYWAY).
What the fuck is wrong with me?
(1:14pm)
So, while I'm thrilled to have the CD shelf thingy, not all of my CDs fit.
It's kind of sick. But, anyway, I pulled out a bunch of CDs that I need to
evaluate my ownership of. I listened to some of them yesterday.
Unfortunately,
I am going to end up keeping most of those. Sigh.
Meanwhile, if anyone wants this damn Gregorian chant CD I accidentally still have, please let me know. Gr.
(12:40pm)
I think what I'm trying to say is less that I read too much into things,
more that I think too much, and believe too much that things are related
and connected.
Like, like, say, the stock market and the Torah.
...wait.
Oh, nevermind.
None of that's what I really mean. Oh well. Got any more of that nutmeg?
(12:36pm)
Today is just flying by. Really.
I have this weird feeling. It's not exactly that I have premonitions, but more that things happen in a strangely coincidental manner. Sometimes.
That just sounds like nonsense, doesn't it?
Maybe it's just that I look for coincidences, and see them where it's a stretch. Who knows?
Also, Ann Marie got me a shelf for my CDs while she was in town. Woo!
That sound is me crossing off another name from the list of acts I wanted to see in high school and figured I'd never get to see.
I can't decide if this is good or bad; i mean, it's a little of both. But. Yeah.
At least it's kept me from needing to actually buy a G4 cube, when I can just imagine having one. At most it's kept me from actually acting a few times. So. I'm not sure which one is better.
Well, that, and fear of being humiliated. Which is a pretty dumb fear when it comes right down to it, but I never said I had smart fears.
(11:02am)
Heh!
Except also, dang.
Doing the math is kind of depressing. Probably depressing enough to make me fall totally flat. Doh!
But when they work. Rr.
(For the record, I'm in the not so much group. Just sayin)
(11:37am)
So, I slept for 12 hours last night.
My back is hardly hurting at all now.
I think these things are related.
(7:52am)
Also, a cartridge for my turntable. Crutchfield has them! Who knew?
And it doesn't even begin to compare to the crowd density at DEMF.
I just wasn't actually having any fun.
And that's troubling. I was just bored.
Dammit.
(4:35pm)
I like writing longhand.
Um. That's all I'm going to say about it.
(12:14pm)
I need:
However.
Air conditioning is the scourge of my inside existance. Gr.
(3:35pm)
I'm listening to Elliott Smith, since I'm in that weird good-bad kind of
mood.
Just sayin.
(11:45am)
It's weird, sometimes, the things people want to be forgiven for.
I mean. At least. I think some of the things I want to be forgiven for are weird. I'm sure I'm not unusual in this.
Anyway. At some point, I can stop worrying the same things over and over in my head like a little terrier. YAP YAP YAP!!
(9:31am)
Baby,
I am so sorry.
I never meant to hurt you. But now I have, and it's killing me.
I know it sounds like a lie, but I don't even know what happened. Baby, can you forgive me? Can you tell me how I did this to you?
I can swear, if you tell me, it will never happen again. I promise. Everything will be like in the beginning. It won't hurt anymore.
Baby, you're the only back I want. You're the only back for me. Please, Baby. We can make it right.
Love, me
(2:23am)
Dude.
I was just listening to talk radio; there was a commercial for an organization where you can volunteer to listen to and I guess do a little counceling for abused kids. Great idea, right?
The music in the background of the commercial was this Chris Isaac-sounding guy singing, "You can't do a thiiiiiiing/To stop meeeee/No, you caaaaan't doooo a thiiiiing/To stop me".
Creepy.
What a poor musical choice.
Ever.
We had a party yesterday. It was keen. We did, in fact, have soda and pie, and no bad people came.
The only bad parts were running out of stuff, and before I stopped being a dingus and went to the store. Also, that we STILL haven't gotten rid of the crappy beer. Dammit!
(9:22am)
Ok, I want to go home now.
(8:52am)
What a huge fuckup. Gr.
But, just to make this a normal day: I need a haircut.
(5:09am)
Also, I've actually done most of the stuff I listed on 5/29. Go, me.
(4:58am)
Inside is a lot spookier at night than outside.
(4:00am)
I'm waiting for the guy I'm working with to get back to me. It's cool,
though, he waited an ass-long time for me, earlier.
The things I have to do. I must mind. I must mind to mind. Remind to mind me re. Re: minding to mind.
Anyway. I have to do more riding.
(3:58am)
By the way, there's nothing wrong with canasta.
NOTHING I TELL YOU.
(3:44am)
Christ, it's June.
But! Ann Marie's coming to town Saturday. I'm learning a lot (the hard way, but the best way, by doing!) tonight.
I was fretting terribly about doing something wrong earlier, but now, being wrong is not so bad. Heh. It could be the 3 hours I've had for the nerves to wear down. Anyhow.
I wonder. But about something different, and something I'm having a hard time putting into words. Since it relates to relating to other people, this is not surprising. Hee.
All of Petra's kittens are stripey. So adorable!
That's kind of about it. Doh. Find something for Trey's birthday.
(1:00pm)
So, the ladies' room on my floor at work, as I've noted several times this
week, is being renovated.
The mens' room is right outside of my office.
(12:49pm)
Whew, it passed.
Mostly.
(12:45am)
Oh my god.
I'm contemplating grad school.
Shoot me now.
(10:46am)
Normally, I'm very much a shower in the morning kind of girl. Recently,
though, I've been showering at night, then wetting my hair in the morning
so I can comb down all the cowlicks that happened overnight.
I don't really have a point.
(12:40pm)
A little weird, but I think I'm going to be spending most of the day
thinking about ordering Chinese food for dinner. MMMMMMM.
Also, they're redoing the ladies' room on this floor. Son of a bitch!
(12:21pm)
Oh, yes
(10:50am)
I had some fucked-up dreams this weekend.
